Tuesday, February 14, 2006
More Puky Adoption Langauge
More from: vroberts@tablemannersforkids.com (see previous post)
“Don’t ask questions about the birthparents in front of the child unless you are certain that the adoptive parents are open to that. The birthparents role should always be in the past. The should be spoken of sympathetically, as adopted children need to feel pride in their origins. They need to feel that their birth parents would certainly have kept them of they could have and that they made a very loving plan for them to be with their adoptive families forever. “
Birthmothers are NOT just in the PAST! Intelligent – and CARING - adoptive parents maintain open adoptions and keep birthparents an ongoing part of their child’s life to help them have a healthy integration of their heritage. In loving adoptive homes, birthparents are family members like an aunt or a grandparent. NOTHING about the adoptee should be secretive or hushed or not spoken of in public....or with SYMPATHY! To do so makes adopted children feel like THEY are something to be ashamed of. However you treat their birthparent reflects directly on them because at some point in time they learn biology and realize that they are biologically connected to others. If their birthparents are kept secretive, or spoken of as in need of sympathy, it is unhealthy for the child’s psychological development and fosters a difficult identity crisis. It can lead to acting our behavior or withdrawal.
Further, many birthparents did NOT make a “loving plan” for their child. Many simply had no other option. Language like that serves one purpose only – to assuage adoptive parents feelings of guilt. It does nothing to help the children they are raising.
As a Table manner experts. Perhaps you should stick to offering advise on which fork to use!
“Don’t ask questions about the birthparents in front of the child unless you are certain that the adoptive parents are open to that. The birthparents role should always be in the past. The should be spoken of sympathetically, as adopted children need to feel pride in their origins. They need to feel that their birth parents would certainly have kept them of they could have and that they made a very loving plan for them to be with their adoptive families forever. “
Birthmothers are NOT just in the PAST! Intelligent – and CARING - adoptive parents maintain open adoptions and keep birthparents an ongoing part of their child’s life to help them have a healthy integration of their heritage. In loving adoptive homes, birthparents are family members like an aunt or a grandparent. NOTHING about the adoptee should be secretive or hushed or not spoken of in public....or with SYMPATHY! To do so makes adopted children feel like THEY are something to be ashamed of. However you treat their birthparent reflects directly on them because at some point in time they learn biology and realize that they are biologically connected to others. If their birthparents are kept secretive, or spoken of as in need of sympathy, it is unhealthy for the child’s psychological development and fosters a difficult identity crisis. It can lead to acting our behavior or withdrawal.
Further, many birthparents did NOT make a “loving plan” for their child. Many simply had no other option. Language like that serves one purpose only – to assuage adoptive parents feelings of guilt. It does nothing to help the children they are raising.
As a Table manner experts. Perhaps you should stick to offering advise on which fork to use!
# posted by Senior Mom @ 6:37 AM 
