AdopTalk

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From: Anonymous Opinions and the Internet

One possible impediment to a real contribution may be Internet paranoia and a propensity for anonymity. Information and opinions must be accompanied by source identification to be properly evaluated. Information must be verifiable. Anonymous postings lack full verifiability which diminishes credibility. Opinions depend on the credibility and accepted authority of the source even more than raw information. Many contributors to Internet discussions, in chat rooms, Usenet news and Internet forums, try to maintain as much anonymity as possible.

From: The Cincinnati Equirer

Are anonymous opinions protected by 1st Amendment?
Internet 'free speech' draws fire, ire

By John Eckberg
The Cincinnati Enquirer

Freedom of speech, or freedom to defame?

That's one question in a raging dispute over whether a person can anonymously say something nasty about someone else on the Internet — and get away with it.

The dispute involves AK Steel executive John G. Hritz and allegedly damaging remarks about him posted by an Internet user known only as Jane Doe.

He claims the comments were “threatening, libelous and disparaging.” Jane Doe's lawyers say they're covered by the First Amendment guarantee of free speech.

As Internet chat rooms explode in popularity, the case has implications...



From: AP May 10, 2006

Anonymous Postings at Pa. Newspaper Web Site Get Reporter Fired


HARRISBURG, Pa. A daily newspaper in Lancaster fired its courthouse reporter after he posted anonymous opinions on the public-forum portion of his paper's Web site, including comments critical of his own newspaper, the reporter said.


ANONYMITY IN ADOPTION:

The whole idea of confidentiality was for the adoptive family -- so they could remain anonymous to the birthmother and therefore not be worried about her coming back to take the baby.
Linda Freeman
B.O.R.N. Coordinator


From: Letter to the Editor, Boston Globe VERY FEW, IF ANY, OF US WERE PROMISED, ASKED FOR OR WANTED ANONYMITY OR "PRIVACY" FROM OUR OWN CHILDREN! - by Robin Westbrook

VERY FEW, IF ANY, OF US WERE PROMISED, ASKED FOR OR WANTED ANONYMITY OR "PRIVACY" FROM OUR OWN CHILDREN! VERY FEW, IF ANY, OF US WERE PROMISED, ASKED FOR OR WANTED ANONYMITY OR "PRIVACY" FROM OUR OWN CHILDREN!

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Full-page Political AdvertisementOver 500 Birthmothers Say "VOTE YES" on Measure 58

Over 500 mother SIGNED THEIR names to show they did NOT WANT ther anonymity!

Sunday, November 1, 1998

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Once again all ends in anger...unreasonable anger.

I am not "a leader" of anything. Nor am I a "moderator" of anything. This is not a list or a chat room with a moderator. It is a blog. My blog. My place to state my opinions. I represent no one by myself and do not claim
otherwise.

Why do any or all of you (can't tell how many anony mouses there are) all feel the obsessive need to come here and argue with me about my opinions??

My belief that ExiledMothers and OUSA blamed a lot of ills of adoption on the "b" word is two fold"

1) The militant insistent on banning its use

2) Diane Truski's article which has since been re-written and makes far more sense now then when it was originally posted and when it commented on it in April.

The first posting of that article "Why Birthmother Means Breeder" stated that the word birth implies breeder and that the word ‘birthmother’ is the cause of us being exploited or used as breeders, or thought of as incubators. It also related the use of the "b" word to the lies about us wanting anonymity.

The earlier version of this article said "in other countries the term natural mother is used." So this is an entirely new version which now recognizes that money is the driving force what pushes adotpion today. I am glad that Diane saw the logic in some of my critiques of her article. I am saddened that instead of thanking me for improving it and making it a more logical article, I am still castiagted and stones are thrown at me.

I wish everyone who is filled with so much anger toward me would go back to the links on the left - at the top or bottom of your page - and click April and then read two posts there...Monday, April 24, "Adoption Langauge and DisUnity" and Thursday, April 27, "A Plea for Unity." Go back and read that I have never disagreed that the "b" word is not a great word - I disagreed with it being blamed on all the ills of adoption.

I am not your enemy. I am one of you! We are the same. We have all suffered. Why is there is so much anonmosity? You even reply to me in anger to a post about the death of child! Where is your civility, "kindness" that you ask for yourselves? Where is your humanity, your heart you common decency? I sincerely hope none of you ever have to live with outliving a child of yours - and being faced with another who sufferes the same illneses that cuased the death of your first child.

We are all angry about what happened to us; deeply dmamaged by it... but we need to direct that anger where it belongs, not at each other.

No I am not familiar with what Carole Anderson wrote in 1991. (And I have requested that you give sources, as I do). But it just goes to prove that CUB is not all bad or all wrong, just as neither is any other group of individual.

With all due respect for Karen's research...if you call the 60's "The Baby Scoop Era" are you not syaing that tehre were an abundnace of white infants adopted during that era? is that not confirmed by Solinger?

The percentage of premarital births placed for adoption has decreased since the 1970s. Analyses of three cycles of the National Survey of Family Growth show the following trend:
* From 1952 to 1972, 8.7% of all premarital births were placed for adoption.
* From 1973 to 1981, this percentage fell to 4.1%.
* From 1982 to 1988, it fell further to 2%. (Bachrach, Stolley, London, 1992)
ttp://statistics.adoption.com/information/adoption-statistics-placing-children.html

During the same period, International adoptions increased dramatically. These are facts.

I spent my life researching these facts. Nowhere, other than Diane Turski's original article, which she herself changed, is there any claim that the word birthmother has caused any change in adoption practice.

So, as I said just yesterday...if the "b" word bothers some of you, fine! I myself have made very effort not to use it. I try hard to be respectful and not hurt people.

No one is forcing you to use any word you don't want to use or "dictating." Not CUB, not me, not BJ Lifton (who is blamed in one article quoting Turski, for having created the term). http://www.amfor.net/AdoptSpeak.html

No one is forcing it on you. Define yourselves as you are comfortable and let the others do the same for themsvles.

I am putting this blog to rest for a while...or at least this subject. I will NOT post any more comments. I said what I have had say many times. You have all said what you have said. We are getting no where. This is not productive.

End of issue.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard(er) battle.
Plato

...

lost  /lɔst, lɒst/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[lawst, lost] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained
2. no longer to be found


This is from an online dictionary. For the most part LOST means unable to find. It is different than MISPLACED.

When we surrender children to adoption, we LOOSE our right to parent them.

I know full well the difference between loosing my right to parents, see or know or child but being able to maintain hope that someday we might be reunited...and loosing that same child again PERMANENTLY to DEATH!

That is why when other call themselves "mothers of loss" hurts me terribly. because any loss to adoption has the POSSIBILITY of reunification until either of the parties is DEAD.

I am also not a "mother of loss" because I am mother to ALL of my CHILDREN!

There are LOTS of words that strike people in different ways. Some of us do not like the word surrendered, some don't like relinquished. Both are the legal terms for what happened.

I also do not the word bastard as it does not apply to my situation. I was legally married to my first (surrendered) daughter's father. But I UNDERSTAND exactly why BN named their group what hey did and I support that. The do NOT however demand that everyone call the bastards!

Some people don’t even like the word adoption. Some don’t like the terms “adoptive mother” and only use adopter. Some mothers are CONTENT with their decision. Brenda Romachik feels she did not loose, or have her child “taken’ from her, she is comfortable using the word ‘entrusted’ to describe her experience. There are lost of differences amongst us and our experiences. To become language police and demand just one word is a choice. It is a very limiting choice.

The rest of us, through we have our preference likes and dislikes, and words that may even make us cringe (or in my case cause physical illness) none of us DEMAND it of others in our presence!!! I ask as a kindness that people do not use the word “loss” lightly around me. It is a very sensitive subject for me. But I would never demand it at a conference I was organizing, nor would I edit out of others written comments. I posted comments here that use the terms that are very uncomfortable for me, because if I didn’t we wouldn’t have this discussion. I use it as an opportunity to educate.

If the object is to EDUCATE…BJ Lifton just wrote to me asking why you are opposed to the “b” word. So, apparently she is still clueless and has not been educated by being asked not to speak. I ask again, why the conference organizers waited until August 27th to ask BJ not to speak? Especially when I brought it to Joe’s attention in April that BJ uses the “B” word….

As for BJ Lifton she has never and never would refer to herself as a “birthchild” – this is where your arguments get into absolute ridiculous. Each adopted person has the RIGHT to think of and address their parent – by birth and through adoption – as they personally choose to. The vast majority of adoptees I have ever been in contact with in my life – which is a considerable number -
use the word “mother” to describe their adoptive mother who raised them. That is often hurtful to a lot of mothers who surrendered.

I also DO know individuals have been reunited with children who lovingly call them Mom, and that’s very sweet and nice. But the MAJORITY do NOT! And no matter what you DEMAND or want to call yourselves that is not going to change, and you are going to always to deal with backlash from adoptees who vehemently will resent calling a person who abandoned them Mother and not giving that respect to the person who raised and nurtured them – irregardless of how YOU felt about having your child “taken” or “stolen” from you.

The more you alienate, the less support you have for your goals.

...

My 2 cents on the recent events asking BJ Lifton, adoptee and author not to present at a conference in New York she had been invited to, because of her refusal not to use the word birtmother she was accustomed to using...


Relating respectfully is a two-way street. Respect is important to be given as well as expected.

Respect needs to be extended to our historical roots, especially in a movement opposed to changing the names of individuals. Both the terms Black and African American are accepted and the NAACP remains the National Association for Colored People. The United Negro College Fund has not changed its name. There is also a National Council of Negro Women and the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum was founded in 1990, long after the word negro fell out of popular use. Nor is it impolite to refer to negro gospel and spiritual music as such.

Groups of people can maintain their pride in self-determination and also respect for the heritage.

...

Merry Bloch Jones described "birthmother" syndrome in 1993 as:

1. Signs of unresolved grief, such as lingering denial, anger, or depression

2. Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder, such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, avoidance, or phobic reactions

3. Diminished self-esteem, passivity, abandonment of previous goals, or feelings of powerlessness, worthlessness, and victimization

4. Dual identities, divided into outer pretenses of ‘perfection’ or ‘normalcy’ and secret inner feelings of shame, self-condemnation, and isolation

5. Arrested emotional development, typified by the sense of being ‘stuck’ where they were when they relinquished

6. Self-punishment, often inflicted through participation in abusive relationships, abuse of drugs or alcohol, eating disorders, or other self-destructive behaviors

I often feel I am in a bottomlest pit. Somedays I can paddle and keep afloat, some days even reach the top and get a breath of fresh air. Others days I am drowning...

Most days I am among those of us clawing our way up out of this bottomless pit of emotions. Unfortuanetly, there are some who feel the life boat is too small for all of us. I am told that in lay-led self-help groups such as Compassionate Friends (for parents of children who are deceased) or groups for parents with mental illness...it is not uncommon for parents to each feel their pain is worse than the next persons.

One feels it is worse to have lost a child at birth and never have another. Another thinks loosing a teen with potential is far worse. Without professional guidance such groups can be more destructive than helpful.

...

“Be kind to your web-footed friends, ‘cause a duck maybe somebody’s mother” childhood ditty

As CUB election results are about be announced, I have decided not to serve as Vice President of CUB.

After much consideration, I have decided that I can affect more positive change on adoption practices devoting my time, energy and efforts elsewhere.

I want to thank those who nominated and voted for me, and I wish CUB success as they select and appoint a replacement.

I look forward to being renewed, refreshed and supported at the Retreat in October; to seeing old friends and making new ones.

I believe that each of us as individuals and together in groups, need to have a vision and check back in every once in a while and see if we are on the best path to attain our stated goals. Readjust goals of necessary, but stay the course of our vision! Each of us as individuals and collectively as groups stumble and fall, occasionally, or take “wrong” turns on our path. We need to learn and go on and be stronger and better. I wish the best for CUB and for ALL who suffer.



Loosing a child to adoption has been substantiated to create psychological trauma
that leaves us with post traumatic stress disorder. The cause of the damage done to our souls and psyches may be the same for each of us.

Pull a dozen people out of a burning building and each will be burnt to a different degree on a different body part. Some are dead. Others suffer smoke inhalation. Some have lost limbs. We have been damaged in different ways. Some of us have experienced repeated damages and/or multiple wounds in our lifetime. Others have wounds that fester and ooze…

We stumble out of the raging inferno trying to find our way. Some go one way, others another. Some just sit right where they are, paralyzed, too devastated to move an inch. No one consciously “chooses” to go into denial. Denial is one of the mind/body’s unconscious ways of protecting us from harm the perceived as far too frightening to even think about consciously. It is as involuntary as breathing. Both, denial and breathing, are mechanisms that keep us alive and we have little control over either.

Some of us come out of the ashes almost immediately angry! Some of us either immediately or later are determined to find who lit the match! Anger, is simply another way to avoid our pain. We build walls of anger instead of silence. They are equally impenetrable. Anger is an emotion like any other. It can be a motivating force for action, or it can be turned inward into depression. Anger is often misdirected. Sometimes we just feel rage at the tiniest thing – like the person in front of us in the supermarket or a car on the road. When we work on adoption issues our pain and anger may be closer to the surface and we can easily lash out at one another.

It is also human nature to be critical and judgmental because we are critical and judgmental of ourselves. Our need to control is very real and should not be seen as us having a “control issue” in the negative way that is often said. It is quite natural for us to want to take control of our lives. The trick is to find the things each of us is able to control and let go of the ones that are out of our control and just draining. I am learning…

Like the classic stages of grief, we can volley back and forth from one to the other (anger, depression, denial, etc.) sometimes in the same day – or we can get stuck in one for years or a lifetime. Our grief is never ending and I have recently been reminded that no matter how well, or for how long one has dealt with it, it recycles and resurfaces. We revisit it and deal with it sometimes in a different way.

The road toward healing is a long slow one. We hope in time the open wounds form scar. Like victims of physical trauma, we each go at our own pace, and our path to healing is based on the support (or lack thereof) we get, and our individual own coping skills. Some of us had lives of torture, others grew up in Mayberry and our pregnancy and surrender was the first “bad” thing that ever happened to us, or our family. Others were raised with family secrets like alcoholism and learned early and well various coping skills.

The coping skills I developed early in life – pre-surrender were to be “strong” and “tough” and use various addictive and obessive behaviors to block, or "self-medicate" the pain. It was a matter of surviving the inner pain. Not parenting my first child added a new layer of pain; her death yet another.

Because of my stoic ability to be strong and tough on the outside, it has taken 61 years, and the study and practice of Eastern philosophy, to get in touch with feelings and emotions that have been packed away neatly in boxes and buried since 1967. Feeling the pain has been cathartic. Like excising an infection.

The path to healing is a long and twisted one and different for each of us. There are forks in the road – go this way and marry again; go another have a new career. We make what some call “mistakes” and others call learning experiences. We stumble, fall and we pick ourselves and go on, sometimes in a new direction...sometimes with a renewed commitment to continue with our original vision toward our goal.

I came to such a fork in the road several months ago. A road sign said: Come join us this way. A new opportunity to help others who suffered loses! It was very appealing. I had great plans and lots of hope. I began to prepare, filled with enthusiasm and excitement. I began to further explore what might lie ahead if I chose that path... like reading a travel brochure before starting out on a big trip.

And then, an old favorite song came to mind from 1974:

I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Carly Simon, 1974

The stillness of my mediations helped me to recognize discord with my vision. I have learned that I cannot repair all of the suffering in the worl...or even all adoption suffering. I have learned that I need to prioritize and be kind, gentle and caring to myself first. Gandhi says: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Carly goes on to say:

Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that's just how much it cost to survive in this world.
'Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white love
Pouring down from the heaven

I see now that she was not talking about earthly love. I hope we all find the support we need to “fill our hearts with love” and help heal.

In practical terms, I am re-devoting my time and energy toward the publication of my book. I hope it will be of help to others, as I have been told my first book has been. I know it helps me to write it. Kind and gentle though I strive to be for myself and others of us who have suffered seperation and loss by the adoption of our children, make no mistake. My forthcoming book pulls no punches. It kicks some righteous ass, where appropriate! It is very directed, and action-oriented anger.

Peace, love, solidarity…Namaste

Mirah Riben

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard(er) battle.
Plato

I think a goal of "VALIDATING" past injustices is cool. Ricki Solinger's book helped me and lots of others feel that VALIDATION. many steps along my path have helped with that.

Thank you for clarifying. Yes, I see...TECHNICALLY things were done that should not be done because they violated our rights, mostly by not telling us what our rights were and we had no idea. But things are DIFFERENT today. Women see their babies, etc...the new CARROT is openness.

We need to - IMO - focus on women being made false promises of openness. We need to get adoptive parents out of delivery rooms – see, that's NOT a violation of our legal right to guardianship of our child as a mother. It's coercion and pressure and it’s very subtle...within the letter of the law.

YES, THEORTEICALLY, if we could get people to honor mothers and understand the harm of separating children from mothers, they would stop doing it.

Annette Baran and tons of experts have been saying that and proving it with data for DECADES! Lee Campbell, founder of CUB published in professional journals studies of the ongoing trauma mothers suffer, including secondary infertility at higher rates...

SO WHAT! We can tell them ad nauseum that it is harmful. THEY DO NOT CARE BECAUSE THEY ARE MAKING MONEY AT IT!!! Until everyone in this movement really GETS that and understands it, it's business as usual!

social workers of the PAST like Annette have already ADMITTED what they did the was wrong! it has done nothing to stop making things worse since they have been privatized.

babies are being SOLD, but they get away with it by calling it paying the mothers expenses. THAT is what needs to be stopped!

Those profiting from selling babies no more care who it hurts mothers, than those profit from war care. Or the tobacco companies.

NOW, tobacco is a good model to look at because a combined grassroots and health experts brought them to their knees. That's a goal. If we could all work together .... however, they there was no one saying that there were "poor" unfortunate people who desperately needed their cigarettes and it be cruel to take their cigarettes away. We do not have mentality of pity for smokers, as we do for the infertile in this country. AND they have huge feelings of ENTITLEMENT that is supported by capitalism: if you can afford it, you deserve to have it!


There was united agreement cigarettes were bad, period. We have LOTS of enemies besides the money makers. Lots of religious groups on the side of adoption...anti-abortionist, etc. It's a huge fight and we keep fighting with ourselves and most are fighting for open records.

Many. simply find who they are separated from and leave "the movement."

There's just sooo much to do and so few of us. We are up against GOLIATH! Capitalism is FAR more powerful in the US than it is in Australia! Adoption is a multibillion dollar INDUSTRY with paid lobbyists like any other industry. Go see “Thank you for Smoking” You’ll get some well-needed belly laughs, but also learn some very sad realities about how things operate…


I see fighting for validation and for open records, both as fixing things for the ADULTS - mothers or adoptees - who were harmed (very legitimately) IN THE PAST. I prefer to advocate for children are being sold today, some to pedophiles etc.

IDEALLY, I would like to not be fighting the fight against the money-changers, the baby mills, all alone. I wish others who care about adoption practices and how they harm us, would see that they can continue to do whatever they are doing to help restore the rights of adults (open records, inquiry, whatever) and ALSO do SOMETHING to stop the steady flow of BLOOD of children being sold every day with no background checks cause no one cares as long as money is being made. Babies and their mothers are being harmed every day, every minute, as we sit here and discuss this...

my heart cries for their suffering, far more than for my own. Theirs COULD be stopped, it's too late for me...

And that it why I flipped out when I see people focusing their MAIN efforts on the past instead of looking at the present....and calling it family preservation, to boot!

It flipped me out! nearly put me over the edge!

If i disappear from here, it is because I have to learn voie activated software, as I can no longer type.

peace...

if you have kids - hold them tight and kiss them and be thankful and gratful for them!

I recently had good reason to revisit the wisdom of something a dearly departed mother (who lost her child to adoption) and major activist, used to say regarding the residue of damage our adoption loss has left in ALL of our hearts and souls — she used to call us “walking wounded.”

I am taking a REST and BREAK from all negativity and most all adoption-related things for a while.

My youngest daughter turned 27 in May of this year – the age my eldest, surrendered daughter (Alicia) was when she died. My youngest daughter suffers from several of the same illnesses that took Alicia's life (they are HEREDITARY). I live every day with the too real fear of REALLY loosing another child.

Alicia's birthday anniversary, thirty days ago, July 15, added far more grief and STRESS and this year, I have not bounced back as I usually do (because of the above).

I am suffering some fairly serious stress-related physical illness (in addition to my other chronic health and disability issues, RA) and under a doctor's care at this time. My RA causes me physical pain being on the computer (and also LOTS of TYPOS). This combination of pain and stress has often caused my ANGER at adoption – the major cause of all of this - to come out in non-productive and non-positive ways.

In my heart I only want what is best for ALL mothers.

I know that we ALL suffer from our losses. ANGER is a common feeling among us for good reason, and can get misdirected at one another.
CONTROL issues and a need to sink ones heels in and BE RIGHT might be more common for mothers who LOST control at a very important juncture in our lives and have been fighting – each in our way - to regain that control and set things “right.” I know that I am often far more guilty of these two tendencies than I’d like to be, and they may be more common for us all than the general population. (Just a guess based on observation.)

I really do want what is best for ALL of us, AND for present and future mothers and expectant mothers!!!! I respect the fact that each of us needs to be allowed to explore the path that works best for them. My intent was to QUESTION and evoke thought but, as I said, I am not always best at expressing that in the most positive way.

And so, I am taking a “vacation” for a while. I will continue, as I am able, on a fairly regular basis, to post your comments. Please be patient and please be sure that you see COMMENT SENT.

You can, if you so choose, mull over some of my comments and thoughts in this new light, or no...but I am taking a rest from all negativity, my own first and foremost.

I PRAY that you treat each other gently and kindly as we all suffer through our losses and stresses...

Wishing you ALL peace and solidarity. SUPPORT means supporting one another, and ourselves, too...


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (Philo of Alexandria)

Reply to Comments:

I welcome and POST all comments and will try to reply to all. The purpose of AdopTalk is to talk and discuss issues of adoption reform.

That means I welcome a discussion/debate of the FACTS and issues in any post here. I have no “vendetta” and labeling me or my posts a such accomplished nothing in terms of the facts presented.

I challenge OriginsUSA or any member of OriginsUSA to tell me what in their main goal supports the preservation of families?
They don't even support or welcome those MOTHERS who surrendered our children and simply are used to using different a word. They do not support or welcome fathers or adoptees, and they certainly do not support or wlecome adoptive parents - even those fighting on the RIGHT side of adoption reform!! That's counterproductive.

Where is the INDICATION (forget proof) that complaining about or "proving" events of the 50's to 70s will have any effect on current practice?

US veterans of Vietnam who campaigned against agent orange, did so to get COMPENSATION FOR THOSE HARMED BY IT IN THE PAST and also to prevent the use of chemical warfare. They did NOT call their efforts ANTI-WAR or PEACE MAKING!!!

Those African Americans who seek REPIRATIONS of past harm done in the name of slavery, started AFTER slavery was ABOLISHED and after civil rights laws were enacted in all states! And they state outright they are seeking reparations.

Say what you are doing and be honest about it, that's all. They are following in the shoes of their parent group OriginsAU which sought an APOLOGY for past deeds. What did that accomplish in terms of changing AU adoption laws? I challenge you or anyone to tell me.

I “blast” lies and untruths wherever they appear. I blast and expose those who use DECEPTIVE practices and newspeak to hide real agendas....no matter what the source!

I defend the INTEGRITY of those who work to change adoption and want it done with HONESTY in words and actions. If that is wrong, I stand accused!

momto4:

You call yourself anti-adoption. Good for you! That's HONEST. If OriginsUSA is anti-adoption stand up say so! I object to deceit.

Deceitful language is part of the problem of exploitation and coercion in adoption. I deplore it no matter who uses it. You do not fight deceit with deceit. It lessons one's credibility and my concern is that the credibility of OriginsUSA will be used against those of us fighting cleanly to get records open and make other changes in CURRENT ADOPTION PRACTICES.

SUZ: hope that's answers you to. If not, please write back, I post ALL comments and try and answer them as well.

Did ya' miss me?

Have you checked out the new web page of Origins USA? It has gotten a very PROFESSIONAL face lift! My kudos to them and their web designer. It is consistent with their parent group in Australia.

In addition to making it slick GRAPHICALLY, they have also totally "cleaned up" any anti-adoption references an lots of negative "ranting" things that used to be there. Again, my compliments.

I fully understand their philosophy as well in terms of calling themselves "family preservationists" instead of anti-adoptionists. It is the same reason that anti-abortionists call themselves pro-life. It puts a positive spin on a negative. Very clever.

However, not factual.

1. OriginsUSA exclusively supports MOTHERS (not fathers or any other family members, as does CUB, for instance)

2. While their new website is all full of positive sounding phrases…search for their "MAIN GOAL" and you will find that it an survey and “inquiry” into adoption policies and practices of “1950-1970s.”

QUESTION: What does this MAIN GOAL have to do with PRESERVING families? It is about retribution for the past. Adoption practice and policy has changed DRASTICALLY from the day when women were ostracized for being pregnant “out-of-wedlock” and the “shame” and “disgrace” of single parenthood was used against us.

Our collective history and individual stories are interesting and have been recorded by Solinger and Fessler. It is of value for those who want to know how things were “then.” Things are NOT like that now and focusing one’s main attention on them does NOTHING to “preserve” an emerging family or change current adoption practices.

If you want to be FAMILY PRESERVATIONISTS fight to stop PRIVATE adoption! Offer support to CURRENTLY pregnant women…REAL support…take them into your homes, buy the clothing and food, and help them keep their babies! That’s the current coercion that needs to be fought to preserve families, not what happened to any of us 30-40 years ago.

I find their use of this “spin” language every bit as deceptive as those who lure women into adoption. You cannot fight lies with lies…nor can you cloak whining about your own pain, as helping anyone else.

The pain of past mothers was caused for most of us by the SECRECY in closed adoption. Today, adoptions are OPEN and that is used as a carrot – that is what needs to be addressed. THAT and the fact that expectant mothers’ expenses are paid by those who plan to take their babies. Family preservation focuses on those current abuses, coercions and deceptions – it does NOT involve BEING deception to oneself or others about a goals versus action.