AdopTalk

I recently had good reason to revisit the wisdom of something a dearly departed mother (who lost her child to adoption) and major activist, used to say regarding the residue of damage our adoption loss has left in ALL of our hearts and souls — she used to call us “walking wounded.”

I am taking a REST and BREAK from all negativity and most all adoption-related things for a while.

My youngest daughter turned 27 in May of this year – the age my eldest, surrendered daughter (Alicia) was when she died. My youngest daughter suffers from several of the same illnesses that took Alicia's life (they are HEREDITARY). I live every day with the too real fear of REALLY loosing another child.

Alicia's birthday anniversary, thirty days ago, July 15, added far more grief and STRESS and this year, I have not bounced back as I usually do (because of the above).

I am suffering some fairly serious stress-related physical illness (in addition to my other chronic health and disability issues, RA) and under a doctor's care at this time. My RA causes me physical pain being on the computer (and also LOTS of TYPOS). This combination of pain and stress has often caused my ANGER at adoption – the major cause of all of this - to come out in non-productive and non-positive ways.

In my heart I only want what is best for ALL mothers.

I know that we ALL suffer from our losses. ANGER is a common feeling among us for good reason, and can get misdirected at one another.
CONTROL issues and a need to sink ones heels in and BE RIGHT might be more common for mothers who LOST control at a very important juncture in our lives and have been fighting – each in our way - to regain that control and set things “right.” I know that I am often far more guilty of these two tendencies than I’d like to be, and they may be more common for us all than the general population. (Just a guess based on observation.)

I really do want what is best for ALL of us, AND for present and future mothers and expectant mothers!!!! I respect the fact that each of us needs to be allowed to explore the path that works best for them. My intent was to QUESTION and evoke thought but, as I said, I am not always best at expressing that in the most positive way.

And so, I am taking a “vacation” for a while. I will continue, as I am able, on a fairly regular basis, to post your comments. Please be patient and please be sure that you see COMMENT SENT.

You can, if you so choose, mull over some of my comments and thoughts in this new light, or no...but I am taking a rest from all negativity, my own first and foremost.

I PRAY that you treat each other gently and kindly as we all suffer through our losses and stresses...

Wishing you ALL peace and solidarity. SUPPORT means supporting one another, and ourselves, too...


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (Philo of Alexandria)