Monday, February 13, 2006
Puky Adoption Language
The following is my reply to:
Expert Commentary...Adoption Etiquette
Feb 13, 2006, 03:40 PM EST
By: Valarie Roberts, Evansville indiana
http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=4495991&nav=3w6o
“Positive Adoptive Language” (PAL) seems only to work well those who are on the RECEIVING end of adoption, by allowing them to feel more ‘real’ in their role, but it does little to help their children overcome their realities. How does it help a child to hear that his mother made a “decision” to give him away – like deciding whether to have chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
It is not only intended to make adoptive parents feel better without considering their child’s needs, but it is also by no means an accurate definition as many children – especially those those from poor countries with unstable governments, as in Eastern Europe and South America – are STOLEN and sold on the black market!
Like all newspeak and euphemisms, it very conveniently, and oh so pleasantly, covers up any of the harsh – more seamy, or distasteful – aspects of adoptions by defining the role of the birthmother as have “made a decision.” Even when less dramatic, a “decision” or “choice” made based on poverty and other accepts of recorucelessness and powerlessness is hardly a “choice” in the way we like to think of it. After all, is it a choice YOU would make?
In order for adoption language to be truly positive it must be HONEST, and that means it must reflect pain. To erase all pain does not do a service to the most important person involved in a adoption – the child. Adopted children KNOW that they were given away by someone in order to adopted another – this causes feelings of rejection and abandonment. These feelings need to be VALIDATED in our language, not sugar coated.
Further, if adoptive parents are uncomfortable with questions about how much their adoptions cost, they should try to avoid high costs and adopt children who need adopting – free of charge! They should also avoid constantly complaining and trying to sue and press charges, when they pay money and the adoption fails because it is found to be illegal, or the mother is able to parent her child. Seems at times like that it’s ALL about the money! Can’t have it both ways!
Expert Commentary...Adoption Etiquette
Feb 13, 2006, 03:40 PM EST
By: Valarie Roberts, Evansville indiana
http://www.14wfie.com/Global/story.asp?S=4495991&nav=3w6o
“Positive Adoptive Language” (PAL) seems only to work well those who are on the RECEIVING end of adoption, by allowing them to feel more ‘real’ in their role, but it does little to help their children overcome their realities. How does it help a child to hear that his mother made a “decision” to give him away – like deciding whether to have chocolate or vanilla ice cream?
It is not only intended to make adoptive parents feel better without considering their child’s needs, but it is also by no means an accurate definition as many children – especially those those from poor countries with unstable governments, as in Eastern Europe and South America – are STOLEN and sold on the black market!
Like all newspeak and euphemisms, it very conveniently, and oh so pleasantly, covers up any of the harsh – more seamy, or distasteful – aspects of adoptions by defining the role of the birthmother as have “made a decision.” Even when less dramatic, a “decision” or “choice” made based on poverty and other accepts of recorucelessness and powerlessness is hardly a “choice” in the way we like to think of it. After all, is it a choice YOU would make?
In order for adoption language to be truly positive it must be HONEST, and that means it must reflect pain. To erase all pain does not do a service to the most important person involved in a adoption – the child. Adopted children KNOW that they were given away by someone in order to adopted another – this causes feelings of rejection and abandonment. These feelings need to be VALIDATED in our language, not sugar coated.
Further, if adoptive parents are uncomfortable with questions about how much their adoptions cost, they should try to avoid high costs and adopt children who need adopting – free of charge! They should also avoid constantly complaining and trying to sue and press charges, when they pay money and the adoption fails because it is found to be illegal, or the mother is able to parent her child. Seems at times like that it’s ALL about the money! Can’t have it both ways!
# posted by Senior Mom @ 5:44 PM 
