Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Unfairness in Adoption???
I wrote a reply to, and also posed here, yesterday: “Puky Adoption Language”
As a result, a mother who adopted from Guatemala – the new “in” country for quick adoptions...started writing to me, trying to prove me wrong and her right....
It’s been an educational glimpse into the other (DARK) side of adoption...
In the course of our back and forth “discussions” via email...she informed me of the newest RATIONAL for adopting from overseas as opposed to here:
“children in the USA have a better chance of survival with government assistance than the countries we adopt from that offer no assistance for their people. The Hague and Unicef suggests that the children be adopted from within the country, but doesn't offer any solution or funding for the problems of poverty, hunger, thirst or caring.”
I replied asking if she thought that makes it OK for kids to be abused on foster homes and shuffled around with no permanence, because they are government subsidized???
She ignored that and instead told me that the other reason she went international – which we’ve heard before are the “unfair adoption laws.” I challenged that saying that singles, gays..anyone could adopt one of the thousands of kids here in foster care needing permanent homes ... There were no unfair laws. I also reminded her she could have also done an open adoption here, privately with no “unfair laws”...
This is her reply to UNFAIR adoption laws!!!:
A birthmother has 6 months to change her mind after the child is placed. That is unfair! The child has unequivocally bonded with the adoptive parents by the time the birthmothers change their minds in many cases. My husband and I originally tried a domestic adoption granted not from a foster home but the birthmother changed her mind at the end of her pregnancy. That is her right -she should be respected right? However, I have the right to go to another country to bring home a child and deserve the same respect as does my child.
and...you also could have has any child you wanted in an OPEN adoption here...privately. No unfair laws...pictures are real nice but not a substitute for a child. Would you give your son away and be content to see photos him. I DON‚T THINK SO!! nice that you plan to visit her.
At what cost? That the birthparent will all of a sudden become maternal? In our case, the birthmother wants contact once a year and requested only photos and guess what - money. I am respecting her choice. I certainly wouldn't give up my son for anything that is the difference between she and I. I want to be a parent she does not.
Anyone else who’d like a shot at educating this woman, please write to: Lois Hausner She needs to learn what is REALLY unfair in adoption bigtime!
As a result, a mother who adopted from Guatemala – the new “in” country for quick adoptions...started writing to me, trying to prove me wrong and her right....
It’s been an educational glimpse into the other (DARK) side of adoption...
In the course of our back and forth “discussions” via email...she informed me of the newest RATIONAL for adopting from overseas as opposed to here:
“children in the USA have a better chance of survival with government assistance than the countries we adopt from that offer no assistance for their people. The Hague and Unicef suggests that the children be adopted from within the country, but doesn't offer any solution or funding for the problems of poverty, hunger, thirst or caring.”
I replied asking if she thought that makes it OK for kids to be abused on foster homes and shuffled around with no permanence, because they are government subsidized???
She ignored that and instead told me that the other reason she went international – which we’ve heard before are the “unfair adoption laws.” I challenged that saying that singles, gays..anyone could adopt one of the thousands of kids here in foster care needing permanent homes ... There were no unfair laws. I also reminded her she could have also done an open adoption here, privately with no “unfair laws”...
This is her reply to UNFAIR adoption laws!!!:
A birthmother has 6 months to change her mind after the child is placed. That is unfair! The child has unequivocally bonded with the adoptive parents by the time the birthmothers change their minds in many cases. My husband and I originally tried a domestic adoption granted not from a foster home but the birthmother changed her mind at the end of her pregnancy. That is her right -she should be respected right? However, I have the right to go to another country to bring home a child and deserve the same respect as does my child.
and...you also could have has any child you wanted in an OPEN adoption here...privately. No unfair laws...pictures are real nice but not a substitute for a child. Would you give your son away and be content to see photos him. I DON‚T THINK SO!! nice that you plan to visit her.
At what cost? That the birthparent will all of a sudden become maternal? In our case, the birthmother wants contact once a year and requested only photos and guess what - money. I am respecting her choice. I certainly wouldn't give up my son for anything that is the difference between she and I. I want to be a parent she does not.
Anyone else who’d like a shot at educating this woman, please write to: Lois Hausner
# posted by Senior Mom @ 7:03 AM 
Comments:
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OMG That is so terrible.... she's going to have some SEVERE issues if / when she gets her child, if she doesn't have one already.
Another case of a 'birthmother' who didn't want to be a 'mother'anyway, adn all the negative impressions that this child will have to inherit, because it is in his/her genes..... I'll definitely look her up and let her know another viewpoint.
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Another case of a 'birthmother' who didn't want to be a 'mother'anyway, adn all the negative impressions that this child will have to inherit, because it is in his/her genes..... I'll definitely look her up and let her know another viewpoint.
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