AdopTalk

I HOPE SHE GETS HER THREE PRECIOUS CHILDREN BACK!!!

Her circumstances seem to have changed much for the better, hope there is a good chance for her where she is in FL!
 

Well, this bio mother is now in jail herself for abuse, so do you really think she should get her kids back??????

I hope for the best for these kids, but maybe the bio mother is not the best after all. The kids can't go from one abuser to another.
 

If Bonnie Schuler has in fact be arrested for child abuse, I see no report of same, please provide a link to substantiate your claim.

And FYI - "bio mother" is a crude, pejorative and unacceptable term.
 

Her name is spelled BONNY Schuler, and is currently in jail for Domestic abuse and her first charge was for the same but with a deadly weapon. I never said child abuse, but abuse is abuse.

She is in Hillsborough Fl jail. And try this to see her arrest record and mug shot:

www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.asp?/Online/sname01

if not just do a search for arrest records in Hillsborough fl and it's the first one. And then put her name, but the correct spelling.

I'm sorry if I used a unacceptable term, should I say Birth mother? I have an adpoted daughter and she calls the woman that gave birth to her Bio mom, so I was only using a term that she thinks is acceptable.
 

Thank you for writing back.

I will try to explore the sources you have provided, however...the newspaper article I quoted stated Bonnie Shuler, NOT Bonny, so I am wondering if the woman in prison is in fact the same woman in the article. If it IS her and she IS in prison - how could she be asking for her child back? Doesn't make much sense. And, as you said...it still does not make her a child-abuser which the adoptive parents were.

Bottom line is that mothers do abuse children - natural mothers, adoptive mothers ans step mothers. Fathers, uncles and grandparents too! But the fact is that ore is expected of those who CHOOSE to become parents than of those who may have become parents accidentally. Those who adopt spend lots of time waiting and often lost of money. It is a very intentional choice. They are by-and-large older and more stable than those who relinquish children for adoption. One expects better of them....society, and most especially the mother who makes the difficult and painful decision to entrust her child with others does so because she believes their stability and advantages will result in a better life for her child -- not being abused!

On the other subject: It is not clear whether your adopted daughter has a relationship with her mother or not. If so, then what she calls her is personal between the two of them. However, in general use women who give birth to a child are generally referred to as their child's mother. Prefixes are used to define other maternal substiute relationships such as step-mother or adoptive mother. SOME mothers whose children have been adopted accept the term birthmother which is used in much literature and legally. Others object to that. None, however appreciate being referred to as an incubator.
 

Thanks for your comments. It is the same Bonny, the news have been following her and they showed her picture and interviewed her and this is the same person. Why do some mothers take drugs while pregant and some people try everything out there to get pregant? It does not make sense, but there are so many wonderful adoptions out there and birth mothers that are so grateful for these people to take and love their children. It is sad that some adoptive parents abuse and even kill their children, but birth parnets do that too. And I often wonder, if those birth parents just gave them up instead of the end result.

I'm a mother that will only have children thru adoption and I'm very grateful for the mothers that have given up their children. And I'm grateful for God that they put them in my life to love, and I love them like they are mine.

Thanks for sharing, I just did not want people to feel sorry for someone that is not in a place to care for these kids when someone else can give them a wonderful life. And not be exposed to any abuse but the love from God that the deserve.

Thanks and God bless
 

I have already stated why I feel that pne is worse than the other.

You make a totally false statement when you say: "birth mothers that are so grateful for these people to take and love their children."

How many birthmothers have you met? Spoken to? Asled how they feel"

This is what you want to believe. It is NOT true!

I cery strongle suggest that you read "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler as well as the soon-to-be published "The Stprk Market" by Mirah Riben.

You have no idea how birthmothers feel - ot you neber would have called on a cio mother! We are not GRATEFUL - we are hartbroken that we were unable to parent our own child. GOD did not destine your child to be with you...If Gid had wanted you to have children he would made you fertile, not causing someone else pain.

I feel very sorry for Bonnie or Bonny or anyone else who is suffering paon and loss. Why would you speka of God and then speak against compassion? Do you beleive in a God who only has compassion for the wealthy pr the "good" people? Bonnie is exactly thr kind of person who received the compassion of jesus ans Gandhi and deserves the compassion of all good people of conscience.
 

"Bonnie is exactly thr kind of person who received the compassion of jesus ans Gandhi and deserves the compassion of all good people of conscience."

Well said and true, and since God has been brought into this, Micah 6:8 tells us that God does not require of us to sacrifice our children (as to the alter of adoption or anything else) for our transgressions, but what he does requires of all of us, is to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly before him.

For too many of us it was required of us by parents and society to hand over our infants, precisely because there was no mercy and no compassion offered by those whom we were at the mercy of.

It was the needs of others that mattered, not our very real need to stay with our child...that need was expeditiously disposed of through the legal system in place for adoption.

As a pediatric nurse I've seen mothers who've had problems with drugs turn their lives around for their child...why not hope the same for this mother? If she is in fact still in jail, I want her mailing address at the jail so I can send a letter of encouragement to her.
 

Indeed Maryellen,

On top of all of her other problems this mother now has to deal with the sickening reality that the "good life" she tried to proved for her child through adoption turned into an abusive nightmare instead! Now she has added grief and guilt to deal with!

Does being in jail make someone bad? How many people are in their WRONGLY accused? The indigent - as Bonnie likely was - are given incompetent state appointed attorneys with a heavy case load and no time to research or even read half the cases they defend.

If she is in fact guilty of child abuse I am sure her application for the return of her child will be denied. But inasmcuh as she was never charged with child abuse the courts will have to decide if she is or is not an adequate parent -- something that should have done with the adoptive parents before they took this child! but they had enough money to get whatever they wanted, no questions asked! Just like Madonna.

THAT concerns me a lot more.

I tried to find Bonnie/Bonny via the registry anon suggested and was unsuccessful. maybe you will have more luck than i did.
 

Ok the article says she was recently released from prison...

As for Gods wishes in adoption one only has to read the bible to know where he stands.

Every adoptee in the Bible - from Moses to Esther knew of their birth origins and returned to save then in some way.

Moses' adoption is clearly a last ditch effort made in desperation only to save a child from death. He dies not portray birthmothers are heartless, uncaring or even grateful -- just doing what is necessary to save their children because they are caring decent human beings and REAL, loving, mothers.

That is not to say that all birthmothers are. There are some who have children taken from them for abuse or neglect - real or drummed up.

None of this however excuses someone who goes out of their way to adopt a child to harm that child.
 

"Does being in jail make someone bad? How many people are in their WRONGLY accused? The indigent - as Bonnie likely was - are given incompetent state appointed attorneys with a heavy case load and no time to research or even read half the cases they defend."

Yes, it really isn't as simple as "abuse is abuse" as the anonymous poster wrote. It is a complex and serious matter that needs to be thoroughly looked into before accusing someone one doesn't even know, as an "abuser".
 

I work with birth mothers in many churchs and I hear over and over that they are grateful. There are so many cases out there. The ones I see, are the ones on drugs that can not get clean or there family has turned on them because they are with child and want nothing to do with them. Many other as well.

I know that many birth mothers get their rights taken away for many of reasons, but the ones I've spoke and work with are the ones that want and need to give their children up for what is in the best interest of the children.

The bible state that we should protect the children of God, and that's what these mother's want for their children.

I believe that God made me the way I am, wonderfuly made for His purpose. To love the children that need love, that a birth mother can not in the way that they may need to. I know that birth mother's love their children, some on the other hand do not. The ones that abuse or neglect their kids. Sometimes people do get it trouble and seek out help and are shown grace and mercy and get things together.

I do feel sorry for Bonny. I feel sorry for the kids that they had to be adpoted by this couple. I pray that this might set her life in the right motion, but just because you give birth to someone does not make you fit to be the parent. So in this case, she will have to prove her case.

None of us know the whole story and will we ever. There is so much that we do not know. But you can not tell me that there are no birth mothers that are grateful that people are giving love to their children that for some reason they could not give them what they needed. If that was the case there would not be any open adoptions case. Which I'm for, I do believe that keeping the birth mother in the life of a child in some fashion is heathly for the child.

I also agree with you about the adoptive parents, just because they have money does not make them a good parent. That's why there are home studies and interviews and lots of things that you have to do. But in this case, it looks like the Adoption agency did not do there job at all. Just because this guy was a football player, I'm sure they did not do what they needed to. But what you have to remember that not all adoptions are like this.

Like I said before, none of us know the WHOLE STORY here.

I'm sorry if you have had a child taken away, I do not know what you are going through but I've had a death of a child. And I do know some pain that a birth mother is going through and I feel for them, I truely do. But please do not say that some birth mothers are not grateful, becaue I work with some of the best birth mothers that are. One that she was 18 on drugs and no family that she could call her own, no job and not even her GED. She had no where to go. She knew a couple in the church that could not have children and now 6 years downthe road they have a wonderful relationship. She says that they not only saved her babies lifethey saved hers. And she goes their every Sunday after church and has dinner with them. Her child knows that she gave her life and wanted a better life that she could not give her.

So not all adoptions are bad and are Adoptive parents.
 

"ALL" and "NONE" are very strong words and seldom true of anything.

I never said that NO bithparents are grateful, nor do I think ALL are!
NOR have I said, nor do I think that
"all adoptions are bad" or all adoptive parents.

I merely said that you were incorrect to generalize that birthmothers are grateful because by-and-large are NOT grateful. Some may be CONTENT a while, maybe even many years or decades if the adoption remains open. That is because they have to believe it is the best decision or they wouldn't do it. But eventually MANY come to REGRET that decision very, very much. I see hundreds and thousands of these women.

I do not how many birthmoms you have met at your church - especially since in your first comment here you didn't even know how to properly address the, I, however have been working with birthmoms since the 1970s and have met THOUSANDS! I have wiped their tears and held their hands as they grived the loss of their children.

To beleive that they are happy loosing a child would be like to assume that you are happy to be infertile because it allowed you to adopt. You may have ACCEPTED your infertility and are pleased that there is a substitute available, but I am quite sure that you would rather have bene able to carry and birth a child. So too does EVERY birthmother wish she became pregnant at a time when she was able to parent her child.

NO ONE GETS PREGNANT THINKING - GEE, I'D JUST LOVE TO GIVE MY KID AWAY...I'D BE SO GRATEFUL TO FIND SOMEONE TO TAKE THIS KID FROM ME! NO ONE, trust me on that! Just as no one married thinking I hope I go through years of infertility treatments and then wind up adopting.
 

Anonymous,

I realize that your intentions are good but what you are saying is disgusting and degrading to your adopted children. I am an adoptee. Do you realize that women now get arrested defending themselves against men who are abusive? There is probably a whole lot that we are not seeing to this story. The birthmother that you are referring to is probably got her happy face just so that she can have contact with her child. You won't ever know the truth on that one because you are an adoptive parent. Someone I know has a really great expression - If adoption is so great which child are you willing to give up? Probably none. There is a great deal to birth mothers that you obviously do not know and don't want to know. I dare you to step outside your square and read up on the true emotions behind birth mothers. You will not be so cocky after you do. By the way adoptees are not property to be passed around to someone else's needs.
 

AGAIN, I suggest you do some reading on blogs and in books and find out more about birthmothers than the one or two you might know in your church.

I know many adoptive parents who favor open adoption, several of whom helped their children find their parents to open previously closed adoptions. However I am also aware that (unfortunately) they do NOT represent the average American adoptive parents.

It's equivalent to saying the black family next door to me are professionals who drive a Mercedes and thus reject the fact that the majority of minorities are not well paid and that they are discriminated against, profiled, shot far more often by police, and over-represented in prison.

I sincerely hope that you read and educate yourself beyond your own personal experience.

I also notice that you never answered if you or your child ever met her birthmother.
 

I'm sorry...I did not mean to generalize about birth mothers. And take anything you said out of content.

I'm glad to know that you have worked with that many and they have someone to turn to, you have opened my eyes. I do see the "happy" ending ones that sometimes it does get clouded.

I know that no one wakes up and says "today is a good day to give up my child" And I wish that would not be the case for anyone. For what I've gone through, I would not wish that on anyone, to be able to have a child and they part with them.

But it is nice to know that there are good people to give homes to children.

Now if we could just get people to adopt the children that are sitting in foster care that the parents rights have been terminated. It's not fair for them to be sitting in the system until they age out. I will leave you with one last comment and thank you for your time and letting me speak on my thoughts.

This country does need to look into the adoption process and the foster care system, these children are our future of this country and we need to do something fast!

Thank you and I will look it to those books you talked about.
 

We have contact with the birth mother often. She lives in another state. But we talk and see her often. She even goes on vacation with us. The birth mother and I are very open, and my daughter even knows her birth father, but he does not want anything to do with her or us or the birth mother. The birth mother and my daughter have deceided that she would be considered an Aunt. So she goes my Aunt ..... that was he both of thier choice. Like I said, I'm for open adoption, I think it's healthly for everyone involved. I know if I had to give up my child, I could not handle the what if, or what are they doing now.

Also you are RIGHT about the open cases are not the norm. Most people want to adopt a baby and never have to see or hear anything again. And I do think it's very wrong for people not to even tell their kids that they are adopted.

We told our daughter from when she was a baby, and at age 3 she knew what adoption meant. She is now 16!
 

The bible state that we should protect the children of God, and that's what these mother's want for their children.


Keeping in mind that helping and protecting a mother helps and protects her child. That is usually what a father does, but others can in his place if he is not present...family, church, synagogue, community outreaches, etc. Protecting children doesn't necessarily mean having to separate them from their mothers.


None of us know the whole story and will we ever. There is so much that we do not know.

The posted article did state this, and I figure they must know more about her than we do:

"The adoption agency says as the kids' biological mom, Bonnie Schuler, has a good shot to get her kids back."
 

Thank you for visiting my blog. I am very glad that your adoption is open.

I think you owe it to your daughter and her mother to read more by and about birtmothers, just as those who adopt internationally do whatever they can to educate themselves about their child's culture.

I am also pleased that we are agreement for the need to find homes for children who are orphaned or cannot be returned to their birthfamilies. How old was your daughter when you adopted?
 

She was a newborn. I got to the hospital after she was born and she was in the NIC unit for a week. The birth mother and I were there together for the time she was in the hospital.

Like I said that my daughter refers to her as her Bio mom when she talks to people about her adoption. After all this, her and Ihave talked and she will be saying birth mother.

Just one comment about the adoption agency in Bonny's case. I have no faith in the adoption agency what they say, becuae if they did everything right. This might not have happened.

Thanks again!
 

I agree about the agency.

Glad you spoke to your daughter. She very likely was trying not to offend you in her use of terminology.

So...you adopted a newborn....yet you preach that OTHERS should accept the waiting children languishing in foster care who could be adopted?
 

I speak of that because We are in the process of trying to adopt a group of three in foster care. We are still in the six month time period before it would be final. I support foster care and try to recruit families to be foster families and also tell people about the adoption part thru fostering.

So I do preach to others about children waiting in care. My daughter's adoption was 16 yrs ago, a lot had changed in my views. There are over 150K kids in foster care right now, and growing.
 

Good for you! It is heart warming to see people grow and change!

There are actually half a million kids in foster care and 143,000 of those are not able to be reunited with their families.

And as you already mentioned, may simply "age-out" and are at further risk.

I am glad you are helping to keep a sibling group together. This is a true gift you are giving them!
 

Good point about the adoption agency - they did not use good judgement in the adoptive placement.

Regarding Bonnie, I don't think they would have said that she had a good shot at getting her kids back, if there was actual knowledge or evidence that she was in any way a danger to her children.