Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Truth and Honesty in Adoption
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Adoption reform has always been about Truth, Honesty and Opennes, and an end to lies and secrets. This applies to all aspects of adoption reform.
Expectant mothers and prospective adopters should be treated with dignity and respect and given HONEST, unbiased option counseling, telling them the pros and cons of what to expect from any choice they make. No one deserves to be lied to, coerced, pressured or swindled, scammed or conned for considering adoption.
When adoption is chosen the same respect must continue throughout the process. Promises made need to be kept. Pressure - even the subtlest - needs to be censored.
There is no one in the adoption reform community who would disagree with any of these simple tenants. We not only stand for Truth and Honesty - we fight dishonesty wherever it is used in the adoption process.
Adoptees and mothers who have relinquished are appalled when untruths about mothers wanting and asking for anonymity are used to protect the secrets of adoption. We speak out and do all we can to dispel these myths, lies and exaggerations that are used as smoke screens.
Now let us explore what happens once an adoption is finalized: The Ultimate Lie occurs and is government produced and sanctioned! Not only is a false birth certificate issued, but it is called an "amended" certificate. If that is what amending is - our constitution would look a lot different than it does!
We do not condone or accept any other lies of adoption - why would anyone wanting to reform adoption continue to support such a BLATANT LIE?
This is THE LIE that all adoption is based on. This is the motherload.
Adoption today is about filling empty arms and doing it in such a way that the paying customers are totally happy. It is allowing them to feel that they are sole owners of the property they have purchased and are protected from anyone taking it from them or sharing it with them. (Even "open adoption" gives adopters all power and control.) And, they want it to be in every way possible "the same as if" that child were born to them! What better way to aid them in their game of pretend than to issue a certified government document stating that it is exactly the same as if they had given birth to the child they are raising. A birth certificate witht heir name on it - just like a Cabbage Patch Doll!
This gives them total ownership and control rights. If they chose to never tell their child he's adopted, that is their prerogative and he could live all his life and never know that he is giving false medical information, and never know to fight for so-called "open records." Or, they could do as is currently advised of those adopting today and tell the child he's adopted at the earliest possible time and let him live all his life knowing that hes adopted and nothing more (until, as an adult, IF he is lucky enough to have been born in one of four states, he is allowed to peek at records containing the names of people who may well be dead by then). Just leave him to WONDER who he looks like, what ethnicity he is, where was he really born, and WHY was he abandoned. if he needs an organ transpplant or bone marrow - he can take his chances witht he courts which have not been very helpful. If he has a sevre emotional need to know - S.O.L.! We'll just ignore the higher rates of all psycholgical problems and suicide among adolescent adoptees.
Is this the adoption that reformers support? I don't think so!
Why then are all the bills proposed asking for "open records" for ADULT adoptees and not just asking for EQUALITY with non-adoptees - access to your birth records at any time anyone else in that state can get them? And why do we use terms like "open records" and amended certificates when what we need to DEMAND is an end to the government sancioned FALSIFICATION of birth certificates!
As of today no adoption reofrm group is addressing these issues. Instead we accept adopted persons living lives of lies and asking to see their records when thy are adults. this is not equality! This is NOT the "better life" I relinquished MY daughter for! What about you???
Conversely, if adoptees who petition the courts ask only for the records to adults - which continues to treat them as separate and different and lesser than non-adopted persons and also plays into the hands of those who say opening the records is dangerous and they need protection....if that is what they want, then the records should be opened unilaterally to both the adoptee and the original parents when the the adoptee reaches adulthood.
Every relinquishment agreement I have read - and I have read many from varying states and times - states that the mother (and father) are relinquishing their right to PARENT the minor child, or infant child. Once a person is an adult, what protection do they need from another adult??? The relinquishment is non-binding upon adulthood.
Adoption reform has always been about Truth, Honesty and Opennes, and an end to lies and secrets. This applies to all aspects of adoption reform.
Expectant mothers and prospective adopters should be treated with dignity and respect and given HONEST, unbiased option counseling, telling them the pros and cons of what to expect from any choice they make. No one deserves to be lied to, coerced, pressured or swindled, scammed or conned for considering adoption.
When adoption is chosen the same respect must continue throughout the process. Promises made need to be kept. Pressure - even the subtlest - needs to be censored.
There is no one in the adoption reform community who would disagree with any of these simple tenants. We not only stand for Truth and Honesty - we fight dishonesty wherever it is used in the adoption process.
Adoptees and mothers who have relinquished are appalled when untruths about mothers wanting and asking for anonymity are used to protect the secrets of adoption. We speak out and do all we can to dispel these myths, lies and exaggerations that are used as smoke screens.
Now let us explore what happens once an adoption is finalized: The Ultimate Lie occurs and is government produced and sanctioned! Not only is a false birth certificate issued, but it is called an "amended" certificate. If that is what amending is - our constitution would look a lot different than it does!
We do not condone or accept any other lies of adoption - why would anyone wanting to reform adoption continue to support such a BLATANT LIE?
This is THE LIE that all adoption is based on. This is the motherload.
Adoption today is about filling empty arms and doing it in such a way that the paying customers are totally happy. It is allowing them to feel that they are sole owners of the property they have purchased and are protected from anyone taking it from them or sharing it with them. (Even "open adoption" gives adopters all power and control.) And, they want it to be in every way possible "the same as if" that child were born to them! What better way to aid them in their game of pretend than to issue a certified government document stating that it is exactly the same as if they had given birth to the child they are raising. A birth certificate witht heir name on it - just like a Cabbage Patch Doll!
This gives them total ownership and control rights. If they chose to never tell their child he's adopted, that is their prerogative and he could live all his life and never know that he is giving false medical information, and never know to fight for so-called "open records." Or, they could do as is currently advised of those adopting today and tell the child he's adopted at the earliest possible time and let him live all his life knowing that hes adopted and nothing more (until, as an adult, IF he is lucky enough to have been born in one of four states, he is allowed to peek at records containing the names of people who may well be dead by then). Just leave him to WONDER who he looks like, what ethnicity he is, where was he really born, and WHY was he abandoned. if he needs an organ transpplant or bone marrow - he can take his chances witht he courts which have not been very helpful. If he has a sevre emotional need to know - S.O.L.! We'll just ignore the higher rates of all psycholgical problems and suicide among adolescent adoptees.
Is this the adoption that reformers support? I don't think so!
Why then are all the bills proposed asking for "open records" for ADULT adoptees and not just asking for EQUALITY with non-adoptees - access to your birth records at any time anyone else in that state can get them? And why do we use terms like "open records" and amended certificates when what we need to DEMAND is an end to the government sancioned FALSIFICATION of birth certificates!
As of today no adoption reofrm group is addressing these issues. Instead we accept adopted persons living lives of lies and asking to see their records when thy are adults. this is not equality! This is NOT the "better life" I relinquished MY daughter for! What about you???
Conversely, if adoptees who petition the courts ask only for the records to adults - which continues to treat them as separate and different and lesser than non-adopted persons and also plays into the hands of those who say opening the records is dangerous and they need protection....if that is what they want, then the records should be opened unilaterally to both the adoptee and the original parents when the the adoptee reaches adulthood.
Every relinquishment agreement I have read - and I have read many from varying states and times - states that the mother (and father) are relinquishing their right to PARENT the minor child, or infant child. Once a person is an adult, what protection do they need from another adult??? The relinquishment is non-binding upon adulthood.
# posted by Senior Mom @ 12:00 PM 
Comments:
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Truth means truth from the beginning....not at a later date, after a lifetime of lies.
In the state of Kansas, where the true birth certificate has always been available to the adult adopted person, there is still no obligation on the part of anyone in the child's life to reveal these facts :
(1)that the child was adopted
and:
(2) that the OBC is available at age 18.
Adopted people grow up in Kansas just as they grow up elsewhere..with secrets and lies.
Bio parents do not have access to the adult adopted persons "new identity". This, then reinforces the notion that adopted people and their natural parents must be hidden from each other, at least some of the time.
If natural parents are a threat, then other unknown, separated 'secret" relatives be a threat too.(that is, adopted people)
This is how lawmakers reason...especially when they hear this from NCFA and then none of the "adoption reform groups" speak out against the original falsifying of the birth certificate.
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In the state of Kansas, where the true birth certificate has always been available to the adult adopted person, there is still no obligation on the part of anyone in the child's life to reveal these facts :
(1)that the child was adopted
and:
(2) that the OBC is available at age 18.
Adopted people grow up in Kansas just as they grow up elsewhere..with secrets and lies.
Bio parents do not have access to the adult adopted persons "new identity". This, then reinforces the notion that adopted people and their natural parents must be hidden from each other, at least some of the time.
If natural parents are a threat, then other unknown, separated 'secret" relatives be a threat too.(that is, adopted people)
This is how lawmakers reason...especially when they hear this from NCFA and then none of the "adoption reform groups" speak out against the original falsifying of the birth certificate.
# posted by 
: 2:17 PM
: 2:17 PM << Home
